Dads are famous for their jokes. They usually bring a smile and often a groan from their cheesy one-liners. Perhaps dads have a stockpile of jokes ready, or maybe they make them up on the spot.
There’s something warm and wholesome about dad humor. Maybe you feel like reading some classics, or perhaps you’re a dad looking to expand your joke library? Whatever you’re looking for, we have some great, clean dad jokes. Groans guaranteed.
Dads love a good joke about food. Here are five one-line jokes about everything edible which are sure to bring a smile.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? There’s great food, but no atmosphere.
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine.
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Moms are not as famous for their joke skills. Maybe because dads get in there quicker with a pun of their own. Whatever the reason, moms are a really popular topic for dad jokes. A good relationship always has room for humor, but let’s hope he remembers to buy her some flowers if she doesn’t see the funny side.
I went to an antenna wedding. The ceremony was kinda boring, but the reception was great!
An invisible man married an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
Last night me and my wife watched three movies back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the TV.
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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The kids are another favorite topic for dads to make fun of. Dads can be embarrassing at times, but they earn the occasional giggle, too.
Kid: I’ll call you later. Dad: Don't call me later, call me Dad.
Kid: Can you put my shoes on? Dad: No, I don't think they'll fit me.
Kid: Did you get a haircut? Dad: No I got them all cut.
Kid: Make me a sandwich! Dad: Poof, You’re a sandwich!
Kid: I’m hungry! Dad: Hi hungry, I’m Dad.
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Whether you’re on a trip to a zoo or just taking the dog for a walk, dad jokes are never far away when there’s an animal about.
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant.
How does a penguin build a house? Igloos it together.
My email password has been hacked. That's the third time I've had to rename the cat.
I just watched a program about beavers. It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
Do you know why you never see elephants hiding in trees? It’s because they're so good at it.
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Holidays are when many people travel and spend more time together as a family. That gives dads a chance to try out their puns on a captive audience.
Last year I went on a ballooning holiday. I put on four stone.
The rotation of Earth really makes my day.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.
What did the ocean say to the sailboat? Nothing, it just waved.
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
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Getting Older Jokes
None of us are getting any younger. While that might be a reason to feel down sometimes, a good dad joke can help you see the funny side of getting older.
This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.
I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.
I thought about going on an all-almond diet. But that's just nuts.
We could certainly slow the aging process if it had to work its way through Congress.
Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.
I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
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Hobby Dad Jokes
Everyone should have a hobby. Then there will be even more topics to create dad jokes and puns about. Some dads might like to get out and about, while others prefer more relaxing hobbies at home. Rest assured, there will be the ideal one-liner no matter what the hobby is.
My favorite exercise is a combination of a lunge and a crunch. It’s called lunch.
Standing in a park, I was wondering why a Frisbee gets larger the closer it gets. Then it hit me.
I was playing chess with my friend and he said: “Let’s make this interesting.” So we stopped playing chess.
There’s a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot.
I have a step ladder. Obviously, it’s not my real ladder.
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Some people think it makes the world go around; others feel money is the source of all evil. Whatever the answer, there is a lot of material to make dad jokes about when it comes to finances.
I like to keep my money in the freezer. That way I always have cold, hard cash.
The question isn't at what age I want to retire; it's at what income.
If you take away the looks, money, intelligence, charm, and success - there’s no real difference between me and George Clooney.
I won $3 million on the lottery this weekend, so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. Now I have $2,999,999.75.
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Many dads traditionally work long hours to help support their families. It can be draining, especially if they’d rather be at home with their loved ones. But a dad joke expert can always make a funny one-liner out of the dullest career.
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
Want to hear a joke about construction? I'm still working on it.
My boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.
My job is secure. No one else wants it.
I'm great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
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DIY Dad Jokes
A dad’s work might never be done. At weekends there are always jobs around the house that need doing. Whether he’s a DIY genius or bottom of the class, there will be plenty of good puns around when it comes to handyman tasks.
Someone asked me to do some odd jobs. He gave me a list of ten, so I only did 1,3,5,7 and 9.
My wife is a great DIY fan. Whenever I ask her to do something, she says, "Do it yourself!"
I watched a documentary about how they fix steelwork together last night. It was riveting!
I just finished decorating our bathroom, I learned through tile and error.
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